1
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[opening theme music playing]

2
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[man] Hey!

3
00:00:31,531 --> 00:00:33,325
[Bean groans]

4
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[grunts] I'd say it's good to be back,

5
00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:38,956
but I can't shake the feeling
that life is meaningless

6
00:00:39,390 --> 00:00:40,582
and I'm gonna die alone.

7
00:00:40,666 --> 00:00:44,336
I'm cold, and I hate everything,
and this gravel really hurts,

8
00:00:44,419 --> 00:00:48,799
but it's exactly how I feel inside,
so it makes sense.

9
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Those were my pet squirrel's
last words before he died.

10
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He was a talking squirrel.
He got run over by a wheelbarrow.

11
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Those were his only words.

12
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[elf grunts]

13
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Get lost, you deadbeat! See you in church!

14
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Oh, hey, deadbeats.

15
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Whoa. You two look like you need a drink.

16
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I say that to all my customers,
but this time I mean it.

17
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No, thanks.
That's just gonna make me sadder.

18
00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:13,615
And then happier. And then sadder.

19
00:01:13,699 --> 00:01:15,742
Me and Bean both had our hearts broken.

20
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She fell in love with a mermaid,
but it might've been in her head.

21
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And Elfo fell for a gal
who was just a head.

22
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Obviously, we're not fixated
on traditional body norms.

23
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Wow. You two are really hurt, huh?

24
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Noice! I don't want to miss this. [scats]

25
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Halt! Why goes there?

26
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Not "why," you idiot. "Who."
Besides, you know who it is. It's Bean.

27
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Bean's an idiot?

28
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No, you are! That's who.

29
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I'm who goes there?

30
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No! Who goes there, goes there.
And now they're gone.

31
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Good to know
the kingdom is still in safe hands.

32
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Sire, would you like to do something

33
00:01:58,327 --> 00:02:01,380
about the people in the streets
who are dying of starvation?

34
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[singing despondently] ♪ My cat is fancy ♪

35
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♪ Look at his little crown ♪

36
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Uh, speakin' of starvation,
I'm in the mood for several shish kebabs

37
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and some, like…
[smacks lips] baba ghanoush.

38
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-[scoffs]
-Announcing the unexpected return

39
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of Princess Tiabeanie!

40
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Warning, she appears
to be in a bit of a mood.

41
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-[slaps]
-Ow!

42
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[Odval] Hmm…

43
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Beanie, you're back!
How was the health spa?

44
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Um, what?

45
00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:29,649
I had to tell poor Zøggy
you were somewhere safe

46
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because he is losing his mind.

47
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Did you get chazzed? I did. [babbles]

48
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I think he's getting worse.

49
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-[honking]
-Quiet! That's enough!

50
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Every time Zøg honks,

51
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he takes one step closer
to total insanity.

52
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-[honks]
-Oh, no.

53
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He's just gone from nuts to screwy.

54
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I have been looking after him
for weeks, and now it's your turn.

55
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-[honks]
-Ugh. I need nap.

56
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I've got a lot to do now.

57
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Like go to my room
and cry in the fetal position.

58
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My pillow's not gonna sob into itself.

59
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-[slaps]
-I deserve that.

60
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This could ruin everything.

61
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We must inform the Secret Society
of Tiabeanie's return.

62
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Indeed. The time to act is now.
Wink, wink.

63
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Don't say, "Wink, wink." Just wink.

64
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Oh, sorry.

65
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-Wink.
-[sighs]

66
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[Zøg exclaiming and babbling]

67
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[sighs] Finally, all alone.

68
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-Oh, hello, Princess!
-Bunty!

69
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I missed you, ma'am.

70
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I've thought about you
every single day since you've been gone,

71
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waiting right here.

72
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I'm gonna be honest.
I completely forgot about you

73
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until this very second.
Let's catch up later, though.

74
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Righty-o! Come along, children.
You, too, Bunty Junior.

75
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I was conceived in this bed.

76
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-[sighs]
-[Oona] Vello again.

77
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-My God! Oona, you're relentless.
-Thank you.

78
00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:21,511
Leave me alone, okay?

79
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:22,846
I just need time to forget

80
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about the greatest thing
that ever maybe didn't happen to me.

81
00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:27,642
You can bother me again
when I grow a new heart.

82
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You look confused 'cause
you grow stuff back all the time,

83
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but that's not something I can do.

84
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I know is hard to believe,
but I was once in love. Real love.

85
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When it came to an end, I wanted to die.

86
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Yeah, samesies.

87
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I drop down for
stepmother-crazy daughter talk, okay?

88
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Bean, death is not good option.
I had to move on with my life.

89
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:54,294
I got over my love
by getting under your dad.

90
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-Ew!
-Oh, don't play dainty with me.

91
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We don't have time for you to wallow.

92
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Wallowing is underrated.

93
00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:04,513
People no longer expect things from you
and you get to stop showering.

94
00:05:04,596 --> 00:05:07,557
I'm stuck with the sad,
empty feeling of heartbreak

95
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:10,477
without ever getting
the fun relationship part!

96
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Full disclosure,
it did get pretty hot, though.

97
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I mean, if it really happened.

98
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We were on this beach and, like,

99
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it was so hot that I didn't even care
about the sand, if you know what I mean.

100
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Ah, yes, like sea turtle.

101
00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:26,535
No, Oona, not like sea turtle.

102
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Like sand crab?

103
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You know what?
It doesn't really matter, Oona, okay?

104
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Just forget it.

105
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Sweetie, you're young
and beautiful and sandy.

106
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Someday, the right man, or woman,
or creature will mate with you.

107
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Then you must eat them.

108
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Until then, you mustn't run from reality.
And things like booze will not help.

109
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Then what will?

110
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Drugs.

111
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Uh, I don't feel any…

112
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[yells] Whoa! There it is!

113
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Now, as you scream,

114
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think about key moments in your life
and see them in new light.

115
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[both screaming]

116
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[both grunt]

117
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Whoa, I'm seeing my life
flash before my eyes. [gasps] Am I dying?

118
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No, is effect of drugs.

119
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Unless you took too much drugs,
in which case, you are dying.

120
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Dying, I'm gonna go with it.

121
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'Cause I let my friend Elfo die
and where do you go when you die?

122
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Elfo went to Heaven, but I ended up
going to Hell to rescue him.

123
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I'd rescue him anywhere.
We gotta get the band back,

124
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but guess what?
We never even got back together,

125
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and we all talk about it,
and it's never gonna happen.

126
00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:38,857
But you know what? I'm still a good friend
'cause I went to Hell for him and got him!

127
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Maybe that's my purpose.

128
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I mean, go to Hell for people.
What else has gone to Hell?

129
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What else can I go to Hell for?

130
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Dreamland!

131
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Oh, my God!
I need to be a friend to Dreamland.

132
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Is good realization.

133
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My whole life has been a lie.
The mother I trusted is evil.

134
00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:56,875
The stepmother
I thought was evil is harmless.

135
00:06:56,958 --> 00:06:59,794
Oh, yes, evil stepmother trope
is very problematic.

136
00:06:59,878 --> 00:07:02,589
I've been through a lot.
I evaded two loveless weddings,

137
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one where the guy accidentally got killed.

138
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Not my fault.
Maybe a little bit. Whatever.

139
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The second one, the guy turned into a pig.
Not my fault. Maybe a bit. Whatever.

140
00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:13,183
I had a love-filled
fantasy hallucination with a mermaid

141
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:16,936
and I still have a sweet,
pint-sized stalker who I love, sure.

142
00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:20,357
But, like, I'm not in love with.
There's a difference, you know?

143
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,442
People say they have personal demons,

144
00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:25,737
but I actually have one
that was sent to destroy my life.

145
00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:27,656
I mean, we're all at odds, but…

146
00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:30,241
Oh, my God, we form a trio.
Just like the Trøgs said.

147
00:07:30,325 --> 00:07:31,660
What the hell is Trøgs?

148
00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:33,787
No amount of drugs
in the world could explain them.

149
00:07:33,870 --> 00:07:36,247
Now I don't know
what's real and what's a dream.

150
00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:38,917
That's what Luci once said,
but he was high, so I discounted it.

151
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,919
But now I think it means something.

152
00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:44,506
All I really know is that
I need to focus on things that I can fix.

153
00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:47,133
Like, how bad I smell.

154
00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:49,844
Oh, my God, I wanna shower again.

155
00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:52,430
That means I've regained the will to live!

156
00:07:52,514 --> 00:07:54,933
I have to start believing in myself
because I'm a savior

157
00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:58,561
and saviors save people
from things like scary robots!

158
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:02,148
Robots are basically tiny suits
of armor without anyone inside of them

159
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that roll around on squeaky wheels
and try to kill you.

160
00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:08,571
But they're super easy to tip over.
And Steamland also has one of my boots.

161
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:12,992
Someday I will get that boot back.
As God as my witness, I will get it back.

162
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:15,453
But the absolute most insane thing of all?

163
00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:18,164
There is this giant wall of sandwiches.

164
00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:20,875
Okay, that's quite enough, Tiabeanie.

165
00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:23,962
You must remember that women,
or womanish variants,

166
00:08:24,450 --> 00:08:26,131
are not allowed at these council meetings.

167
00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:28,925
But gender is a construct.
You guys have to listen.

168
00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:32,637
Steamland, an entire country,
is out to get us.

169
00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:35,348
They want our magic,
but we don't have any magic.

170
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:38,435
We don't even have reggae.
But, please, you gotta believe me!

171
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:42,230
All we believe is
that you just spewed a bunch of nonsense.

172
00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:43,314
You, scrivener.

173
00:08:43,398 --> 00:08:46,234
Strike everything Princess Tiabeanie
just said from the record.

174
00:08:46,317 --> 00:08:48,445
All 37 minutes, sir?

175
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:51,906
-Hmm.
-Hmm. Cutting from quote,

176
00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:54,325
"Whoa, dude,
these drugs are really kicking in."

177
00:08:54,409 --> 00:08:58,538
"Oh, wow. I can't feel my face.
Do I still have a face?"

178
00:08:58,621 --> 00:09:00,665
"You know
what I feel like doing right now?"

179
00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:04,377
"I really wanna stab that stuck-up
scrivener in the eye with a fork."

180
00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:07,172
-[groans]
-And you two, scoot.

181
00:09:12,844 --> 00:09:15,847
What, they think that I'm gonna
go back to my bedroom and cry?

182
00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:17,223
I'll show them.

183
00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:18,850
Oona, how do we show them?

184
00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:22,187
[Oona groaning]

185
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:26,441
Classic Oona.

186
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:36,326
Hey, Snarla? Can I ask you somethin'?

187
00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:38,870
Did I ever tell you about the big skillet?

188
00:09:38,953 --> 00:09:40,663
[Snarla] Yeah,
shut up about the skillet, Derek.

189
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:41,873
Yikes.

190
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:45,251
[wind whistling]

191
00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:49,547
Oh, boy. Thank God
this is just a hallucination.

192
00:09:52,910 --> 00:09:55,345
She's clearly a threat.
And she might be on to us.

193
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:58,431
Do you think she knows
about the royal curse?

194
00:09:58,515 --> 00:09:59,849
Or the Secret Society?

195
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:03,770
Or the much more inconsequential return
of Stryker and Bolt?

196
00:10:04,771 --> 00:10:09,670
Doubtful. She's usually in too much
of an alcoholic haze to really notice.

197
00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:11,694
Man, I feel sorry
for whoever they're talkin' about.

198
00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:14,197
But we must do something about the king.

199
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:17,200
It is inconvenient
that Zøg is still alive.

200
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:19,770
[Apothecary]
Judging from the blood sample I took,

201
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:20,870
he should be dead ten times over.

202
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:24,400
I use the term "blood" loosely.
It's really more of a sauce.

203
00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:26,626
He's the last member
left in the family lineage

204
00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:28,795
before the curse is finally lifted.

205
00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:32,423
In the alphabet,
there's no letter after "Z."

206
00:10:32,507 --> 00:10:34,134
At least, not that I know of.

207
00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:37,303
We should hasten his demise,
just as we did with his brother.

208
00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:42,350
Indeed. But I fear
Zøg is not as easy a target as Yøg.

209
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:45,645
But he is a bigger target.
Huh? Huh? [chuckles]

210
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:48,481
Oh, no!

211
00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:49,983
Hiya, Bean!

212
00:10:50,660 --> 00:10:52,402
We must gather again
to set our plan in motion

213
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,320
with the aid of the Secret Society.

214
00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:59,750
It begins and ends
at our meeting at the next full moon.

215
00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:01,744
Uh, will there be an orgy?

216
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:03,370
Yes.

217
00:11:03,121 --> 00:11:04,998
Do not bring Turbish.

218
00:11:05,810 --> 00:11:06,291
[breathing heavily]

219
00:11:12,422 --> 00:11:15,800
-[Elfo] Um, who is it?
-It's Bean. Let me in. I need your help!

220
00:11:15,884 --> 00:11:17,677
[Elfo] Oh. Yeah, just a minute.

221
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:18,970
[clattering]

222
00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:21,723
[Elfo whimpers]

223
00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:23,224
I don't have all night!

224
00:11:23,308 --> 00:11:25,184
You can do
what I think you're doing later.

225
00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:28,813
[clears throat] Please. Come in.

226
00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:31,441
Care for a bowl of cereal?

227
00:11:33,943 --> 00:11:38,156
Oh, cool.
I see you kept all my doll furniture.

228
00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:39,782
I also kept the accessories.

229
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:42,994
That's my old toothbrush.

230
00:11:43,770 --> 00:11:45,380
But listen, there are people inside

231
00:11:45,121 --> 00:11:47,957
and outside this castle
who want my dad dead,

232
00:11:48,410 --> 00:11:50,840
and the kingdom is totally unprotected.

233
00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:52,337
Remember the Trøgs said we're the saviors?

234
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:55,381
I pretty much just remember
what Trixy told me. [shudders]

235
00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:56,799
And… [shudders]

236
00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,259
Oh, and… [exclaiming]

237
00:11:58,343 --> 00:12:00,470
I never ask you for little favors,

238
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:03,640
but I need you and Luci
to raise an army immediately.

239
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,558
Think you can get people to enlist?

240
00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:07,518
Get people to do
something they don't wanna do?

241
00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:10,630
That's my specialty.
Elfo, you're doing this, too.

242
00:12:10,146 --> 00:12:12,650
I don't want to, but okay.

243
00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:13,775
-[door opens]
-[Zøg snoring]

244
00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:21,741
Psst! Oona, vake up.
I have something to ask you.

245
00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:23,534
Ugh. Now what?

246
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:27,580
-First of all, do you have any more drugs?
-No, greedy.

247
00:12:27,664 --> 00:12:30,750
You took four times the amount I did,
so there is nothing left.

248
00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:33,670
Second, I learned
more about Odval's conspiracy.

249
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:36,547
While some of the plot seems like
they're thinking of it on the fly,

250
00:12:36,631 --> 00:12:39,550
there's obviously something deeper
they've planned all along.

251
00:12:39,634 --> 00:12:44,806
[shushes] Is not place to discuss.
We must not risk waking your father.

252
00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:49,352
Remember, he cannot handle
any sort of surprise whatsoever.

253
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:50,353
[hawk screeches]

254
00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:54,399
[hawk screeches]

255
00:12:54,482 --> 00:12:56,670
[Oona] So, what did you hear?

256
00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:58,903
You know, just that
there's some curse on our family

257
00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:02,615
and the Secret Society
is responsible for killing my Uncle Yøg.

258
00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:05,994
And I forgot to mention that they want
to take my dad out now, too!

259
00:13:06,770 --> 00:13:09,288
They killed love of my life? [sobs]

260
00:13:09,372 --> 00:13:10,623
They will pay!

261
00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:12,166
I'm sorry, I'm not following.

262
00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:15,628
Before Zøg, I was in love with Yøg.

263
00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:19,340
Hold on, the guy you were
talking about before was my uncle?

264
00:13:19,424 --> 00:13:21,592
Wow, you really have a type, huh?

265
00:13:21,676 --> 00:13:24,220
Is true. Zøg reminded me of Yøg.

266
00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:27,390
Unfortunately, Zøg had
all of Yøg's bad qualities

267
00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:28,808
and none of his good ones.

268
00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:31,352
Yeah, I can see that. So, what we do now?

269
00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:34,188
Well, good news is
you are clearly over your heartbreak.

270
00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:36,524
Bad news is this is very bad news.

271
00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:40,403
Let's murder everyone in that stupid
Secret Society right this second.

272
00:13:40,486 --> 00:13:42,488
No. Is not best tactic.

273
00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:46,492
We must shadow the shadow organization
so that we can learn their plan.

274
00:13:46,576 --> 00:13:48,828
Wow, Oona, you're so wise.

275
00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:52,400
Well, I get enlightenment from my weed.

276
00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:55,668
My one regret is that I didn't start
taking drugs at younger age.

277
00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:08,473
-[upbeat music playing]
-[indistinct chatter]

278
00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:11,642
Calling all alkies!
Join the Dreamland army.

279
00:14:11,726 --> 00:14:15,897
The noblest way to abandon
your family for long stretches of time!

280
00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:18,900
-[indistinct chatter]
-[Luci yelling] Line up, losers!

281
00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:22,945
Do you like travel, exercise, fascism,

282
00:14:23,290 --> 00:14:26,324
beatin' your comrades
with a bar of soap in a sock,

283
00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:29,118
and murder with no consequences?

284
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:30,828
[all clamoring] Yeah!

285
00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:35,333
[grunts] Old Man Touchy
reporting for duty.

286
00:14:35,416 --> 00:14:36,709
[gibbers]

287
00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:40,880
Ugh! Save it for the battlefield, soldier.

288
00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:58,106
-[gasps]
-[Odval] What happened to all the knives?

289
00:14:58,189 --> 00:15:01,859
Rats, like, swiped 'em. [chuckles]

290
00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:04,280
We've barely time
to put this affair in motion

291
00:15:04,112 --> 00:15:07,198
and without every necessary element,
our plan is doomed.

292
00:15:07,281 --> 00:15:10,284
We'll split up to most efficiently
gather the remaining items.

293
00:15:10,368 --> 00:15:12,745
Like when we're antiquing. Wink, wink.

294
00:15:12,829 --> 00:15:15,623
-I mean, wink.
-[sighs]

295
00:15:15,706 --> 00:15:19,669
And we will split up and follow them.
But remember--

296
00:15:19,752 --> 00:15:23,798
Don't get too close.
Yeah, I totally got it down! [exclaims]

297
00:15:24,841 --> 00:15:28,970
Whoa. This morning I wanted to die
and now, not so much.

298
00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:37,603
Greetings, Darrell. Blessings on your hat
and the head that fills it.

299
00:15:37,687 --> 00:15:41,983
And also with you, Prime Minister Odval.
What can I do for you today?

300
00:15:42,660 --> 00:15:45,528
Googly-eyed clamshell?
Edge of the World Fudge? Gum?

301
00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:49,991
[chuckles] No, Darrell. Today I need
something far more nefarious.

302
00:15:50,740 --> 00:15:52,340
Did that book I ordered come in?

303
00:15:52,118 --> 00:15:54,871
I have it right here.
How to Hypnotize Your Boss.

304
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:55,872
It's pretty good.

305
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:58,820
You know
how to keep your mouth shut, don't you?

306
00:15:58,166 --> 00:15:59,167
Sure, I guess.

307
00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:01,711
-Even under pain of torture?
-Sure, I guess.

308
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:05,470
You ever get the feeling
your life is going nowhere, Darrell?

309
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:06,132
Sure, I guess.

310
00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:11,512
Oh, Mr. Odval?

311
00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:14,390
[in hypnotist voice]
You're getting sleepy.

312
00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:15,641
Oh, shut up, Darrell.

313
00:16:35,494 --> 00:16:37,538
These two are Numb and Number.

314
00:16:37,622 --> 00:16:41,959
Causes paralysis so you can
tell people off before their demise.

315
00:16:42,430 --> 00:16:45,922
And who can resist
the sweet allure of poisoned cake?

316
00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:48,591
'Course you'll have to wait
for your victim's birthday

317
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:51,100
and they'll have to be named
"Gordon" as well.

318
00:16:51,930 --> 00:16:53,429
Oh, I don't have that sort of time.

319
00:16:53,512 --> 00:16:56,933
Well, I do have
the world's deadliest scorpion.

320
00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:58,351
[thud]

321
00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:00,811
Bill? Bill?

322
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:03,356
Bill?

323
00:17:03,439 --> 00:17:06,317
Welcome to Dirk's Dirks. I'm Henry.

324
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:08,486
Hello, Henry. I am Odval.

325
00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:12,156
[whispers] I am looking
for an array of stabbing instruments.

326
00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:14,617
-[chuckles]
-You don't got to whisper, my man!

327
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:18,246
You want a dozen of our sharpest dirks
to murder some people with?

328
00:17:18,329 --> 00:17:19,956
Well, comin' right up!

329
00:17:26,450 --> 00:17:29,900
Move it, you dirty maggots
and Mertz's mom!

330
00:17:29,173 --> 00:17:30,716
You're the most pathetic scum

331
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,594
I have ever had the misfortune
of layin' eyes on,

332
00:17:33,678 --> 00:17:36,931
and I spend most of my days
starin' at Elfo!

333
00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:38,349
Hi, I'm Corporal Elfo.

334
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:40,434
[whistle blows]

335
00:17:40,518 --> 00:17:42,603
What do you call those, boy?

336
00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:43,938
Uh, pull-ups, sir.

337
00:17:44,210 --> 00:17:45,731
I seen better pull-ups on a baby!

338
00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:48,526
Are you chazzin' me?
Seriously, are you freakin' chazzin' me?

339
00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:51,280
Hey, they said
this was don't chazz, don't tell!

340
00:17:55,616 --> 00:17:56,450
[whispers] Oona.

341
00:17:57,760 --> 00:17:58,786
Oona, stop hibernating.

342
00:17:58,869 --> 00:18:00,621
I tailed Odval up and down

343
00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:03,457
and all over the place
and I figured it all out.

344
00:18:03,541 --> 00:18:06,430
The Secret Society is gonna kill Zøg.

345
00:18:06,127 --> 00:18:08,921
Come on, let's go slit
their fat, dumb necks right now.

346
00:18:09,500 --> 00:18:11,757
Oh, love the homicidal impulse, but no.

347
00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:15,303
Only thing we must do now
is wait for them to come to us.

348
00:18:15,386 --> 00:18:18,639
But I only like gratification
when it's instant.

349
00:18:18,723 --> 00:18:20,570
[tense music playing]

350
00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:22,435
Full moon.

351
00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:40,953
Ugh, crazy girl.

352
00:18:41,996 --> 00:18:44,290
Zøggy, don't go nowhere. I be back.

353
00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:49,545
Okay, Oona, I stay here. [snoring]

354
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:52,600
Oh, no, I gotta pee.

355
00:18:52,673 --> 00:18:53,758
[snoring]

356
00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:56,802
-I really gotta pee.
-[door closes]

357
00:19:39,845 --> 00:19:41,180
[snoring]

358
00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:44,892
-Oh, Boss.
-What the…

359
00:19:44,975 --> 00:19:47,895
Look into my eye, Your Majesty.

360
00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:50,356
-The creepy one?
-Yes.

361
00:19:50,439 --> 00:19:55,653
At midnight, you'll come below the castle
for a special surprise.

362
00:19:55,736 --> 00:19:59,532
Oh, yeah? What? Corned beef?

363
00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:04,161
Yes, corned beef.
Lots and lots of corned beef.

364
00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:06,122
Ya got pulled pork?

365
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:09,708
-There'll be pulled pork, yes.
-Pulled pork is good.

366
00:20:09,792 --> 00:20:11,252
Leg of lamb?

367
00:20:11,335 --> 00:20:15,589
Leg of lamb is there, too, yes.
Ah, big leg. Of lamb.

368
00:20:15,673 --> 00:20:19,969
-Tenderloin?
-Tenderloin, yes. Top sirloin.

369
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:23,931
-Mmm. Leg of mutton, huh?
-Well, all right. Leg of mutton.

370
00:20:24,140 --> 00:20:26,809
-Leg of chicken?
-Whole chickens.

371
00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:29,645
-Lots of chickens…
-Yes, many chickens.

372
00:20:29,728 --> 00:20:33,399
Hey, what, you tryin'
to make a jerk out of me?

373
00:20:33,482 --> 00:20:34,734
Repeat after me.

374
00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:38,904
"At midnight, I must go to the basement
and enter the green door."

375
00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:42,491
At midnight, I must go to the basement
and enter the screen door.

376
00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:44,910
-Green door.
-Screen door.

377
00:20:44,994 --> 00:20:47,329
Just… [sighs] Just be there at midnight.

378
00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:48,497
[blows]

379
00:20:49,390 --> 00:20:50,207
[snoring]

380
00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:53,850
[chuckles]

381
00:21:12,188 --> 00:21:13,189
Phew!

382
00:21:16,660 --> 00:21:16,984
[Zøg snoring]

383
00:21:19,695 --> 00:21:23,320
[grunts] Odval? Is that you?

384
00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:25,993
Don't make me look at your eye no more.

385
00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:29,121
Oh. This ain't good.
I can't leave you here.

386
00:21:29,205 --> 00:21:33,125
Mmm, is it time for pork rump? [exclaims]

387
00:21:33,209 --> 00:21:34,835
[Oona] I hide you good, Zøggy.

388
00:21:34,919 --> 00:21:38,470
-[Zøg] There gonna be meatballs?
-[Oona] Stop talking about meat.

389
00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:40,216
[Zøg] What about
yummy little cocktail wieners?

390
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:44,970
Trixy! What are you doing here?

391
00:21:45,540 --> 00:21:48,182
Shouldn't you be burrowing
or giving me the space we talked about?

392
00:21:48,265 --> 00:21:49,934
It's the full moon, silly.

393
00:21:50,170 --> 00:21:52,728
Trøgs climb to the surface
for our religion.

394
00:21:53,896 --> 00:21:55,731
-[whispers] And for fun.
-[whimpers]

395
00:21:55,814 --> 00:22:01,280
Ooh. It's so cool you're in the army now.
I love an elf who conforms.

396
00:22:01,111 --> 00:22:02,905
Aren't you gonna show me in?

397
00:22:02,988 --> 00:22:03,906
Ow!

398
00:22:03,989 --> 00:22:05,991
-[snoring]
-What the hell?

399
00:22:06,750 --> 00:22:08,202
[gasps and exclaims]

400
00:22:08,285 --> 00:22:10,913
I'm having that dream
with them pickled babies again.

401
00:22:10,996 --> 00:22:12,957
Oh, God, they're gettin' uglier.

402
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:14,542
This is killing the mood, Elfo.

403
00:22:14,625 --> 00:22:16,877
[grunts] How did I get in here?

404
00:22:16,961 --> 00:22:19,880
Why are you trying to kill me?
Why is it so dark?

405
00:22:19,964 --> 00:22:21,966
Ooh, the last one I know.
'Cause it's nighttime.

406
00:22:22,490 --> 00:22:23,425
[gasping and grunting]

407
00:22:25,135 --> 00:22:26,637
Oh, God, my ass is stuck.

408
00:22:27,471 --> 00:22:28,806
[grunts and screams]

409
00:22:29,515 --> 00:22:30,599
[continues screaming]

410
00:22:32,643 --> 00:22:34,520
The wildest sex of your life
will have to wait.

411
00:22:34,603 --> 00:22:36,564
-The whatest what of my what?
-Let's go.

412
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:39,441
[Elfo yelps]

413
00:22:39,525 --> 00:22:43,320
Help! Tell that moon to stop followin' me!

414
00:22:43,404 --> 00:22:46,115
It's almost midnight
and I'm gettin' hungry.

415
00:22:46,198 --> 00:22:48,750
-[bell tolling]
-[gasps] It is midnight!

416
00:22:48,158 --> 00:22:49,618
[honking]

417
00:22:52,329 --> 00:22:53,539
[babbling]

418
00:23:01,500 --> 00:23:03,591
[all] Moon!

419
00:23:04,717 --> 00:23:07,720
You're late, Trixy.
Were you with that possum again?

420
00:23:07,803 --> 00:23:09,540
Don't spoil it, Craig.

421
00:23:09,138 --> 00:23:12,933
[clears throat] Let the ceremony begin.

422
00:23:13,170 --> 00:23:14,852
Enter the circle.

423
00:23:15,436 --> 00:23:20,733
Today, folks. Come on.
Pants down, moons up.

424
00:23:22,568 --> 00:23:25,404
Pants down, Elfo! Oh, I'll do it.

425
00:23:27,406 --> 00:23:29,491
Good, good.

426
00:23:30,576 --> 00:23:33,954
Okay, make it through tonight
and you make it through basic training.

427
00:23:34,380 --> 00:23:36,810
Now, down on your bellies,
you worthless worms!

428
00:23:36,165 --> 00:23:38,959
Calling me a worm offends my eel heritage.

429
00:23:39,430 --> 00:23:40,669
Quit ditherin' and start slitherin'!

430
00:23:40,753 --> 00:23:42,129
[all grunting]

431
00:23:42,212 --> 00:23:43,464
[Mertz's mother] What's that noise?

432
00:23:43,547 --> 00:23:45,490
[smacking]

433
00:23:49,762 --> 00:23:53,570
-That's right, slap that bum-bum.
-[gasps]

434
00:23:53,140 --> 00:23:55,100
I like what I'm seeing, but I gotta go.

435
00:23:56,180 --> 00:23:56,894
[all exclaiming]

436
00:23:56,977 --> 00:23:59,938
Come back here, you cowards!
They're our allies!

437
00:24:00,220 --> 00:24:01,482
Where you going, Deserto?

438
00:24:01,565 --> 00:24:03,192
You knew this was coming.

439
00:24:03,275 --> 00:24:05,277
I just thought he liked sweets.

440
00:24:08,447 --> 00:24:10,658
Let the ceremony begin.

441
00:24:10,741 --> 00:24:16,288
Welcome to all seekers of the secret
and welcome, new members. [chuckles]

442
00:24:16,372 --> 00:24:20,626
Take your assigned position.
Masks on, hoods up.

443
00:24:24,755 --> 00:24:26,799
Sorcerio, have you done a head count?

444
00:24:26,882 --> 00:24:31,762
Oh, you know math isn't my strength,
but yes. The newcomers are here.

445
00:24:31,845 --> 00:24:34,473
Good. Let me remind all of you

446
00:24:34,556 --> 00:24:37,810
that by the time I finish this sentence,
there will be no backing out.

447
00:24:37,893 --> 00:24:38,977
[whimpers]

448
00:24:39,895 --> 00:24:43,440
Now, we have all waited
a long time for this.

449
00:24:43,524 --> 00:24:46,735
Are the new members
ready to carry out the task?

450
00:24:46,819 --> 00:24:47,903
[all] The task?

451
00:24:47,986 --> 00:24:49,154
That's what I said.

452
00:24:49,238 --> 00:24:52,700
The moment has finally come
for all to be revealed.

453
00:24:52,783 --> 00:24:56,780
In three, two, one.

454
00:24:59,790 --> 00:25:01,410
[gasps]

455
00:25:10,500 --> 00:25:13,137
Keepers of the secret,
what is the greatest sin?

456
00:25:13,220 --> 00:25:15,931
[all chanting] Modesty. Modesty. Modesty.

457
00:25:16,140 --> 00:25:17,349
Modesty.

458
00:25:17,433 --> 00:25:21,311
[sighs] God damn it.
Oh, newbies, we're waiting.

459
00:25:24,314 --> 00:25:25,983
-Oona?
-Bean?

460
00:25:26,660 --> 00:25:27,693
All right, drop your knives.

461
00:25:27,776 --> 00:25:30,946
At the sound of the maracas,
let the orgy begin.

462
00:25:31,290 --> 00:25:31,864
[woman] Ooh!

463
00:25:31,947 --> 00:25:34,742
Oh, my God.
They're not gonna kill my dad, are they?

464
00:25:34,825 --> 00:25:38,203
Is no murder cult, Bean.
Just depressing sex club.

465
00:25:38,287 --> 00:25:41,373
Now, Sorcerio. Fling open the green door.

466
00:25:43,830 --> 00:25:46,754
Come right in,
Your Majesty, and feast your eyes.

467
00:25:48,964 --> 00:25:50,966
Bean? Oona?

468
00:25:51,490 --> 00:25:52,217
[babbling]

469
00:25:53,427 --> 00:25:54,887
[grunts and screams]

470
00:25:55,471 --> 00:25:57,264
[maracas continue playing]

471
00:26:02,644 --> 00:26:04,146
Oh, we did it, Oddie.

472
00:26:04,229 --> 00:26:08,901
Zøg is 100%,
scientifically, medically bonkers.

473
00:26:08,984 --> 00:26:11,111
Naked Bean and Oona
were the crowning touch.

474
00:26:11,195 --> 00:26:13,781
Perhaps we should say
the de-crowning touch.

475
00:26:13,864 --> 00:26:17,493
Now, nothing stands in the way
of our grand secret scheme.

476
00:26:17,576 --> 00:26:18,827
[screaming]

477
00:26:20,621 --> 00:26:21,914
[Oona] Zøggy!

478
00:26:21,997 --> 00:26:24,541
-[Bean] Dad! Dad!
-[Oona] Zøggy!

479
00:26:26,430 --> 00:26:27,336
[snoring]

480
00:26:27,419 --> 00:26:30,880
Oh, good. He crazy'd himself to sleep.

481
00:26:30,172 --> 00:26:33,217
-Someone better guard him all night.
-[Turbish] Turbish will do it.

482
00:26:37,120 --> 00:26:39,140
[closing theme music playing]