[upbeat music playing]
[DJ on radio] Good morning, simulation farmers.
This is the Pyromoth keeping you warm on the Ribbon and cool in your heart.
This just in from Magistrate Hoops:
"Be careful downloading unverified emoji packs.
Many contain spoofs, hacks, and viruses."
-And now a track... -[barking]
...from Clint Smith's new album, Sponge Cake Summer.
[grunting]
-[audio stuttering] -[groaning]
[squealing]
-There's no such thing as... -[audio stutters]
-Thank you for having me! -[rewinding]
Thank you for having me!
[rewinding]
[computer] Master, I have something I need to show you over here
if I could just have a moment of your time.
Maybe in a second.
I'm messing around with this new emoji pack I downloaded.
It's badass. Look at that.
-Huh. -[bird chirping]
Love emojis.
[chirping]
-[light rock music playing] -[Clancy sighs]
[chirping continues]
-Hmm. -[computer beeps]
Fucking upload it, you fucking shitbags.
[computer beeps]
[scoffs] What the fuck?
-[engine grinds] -[computer beeping]
-[computer] Good morning, Clancy. -[Clancy] Good morning, Computer.
[computer] Which universe will you choose today?
Uh... this one, this world.
-[beeping] -[Clancy] What?
-[rooster crowing] -[dance music playing]
Deactivate. Deactivate pop-up.
Deactivate pop-up now!
[computer] It's difficult to concentrate when you're being yelled at...
by a friend.
[groans]
Okay, just please deactivate pop-up.
What-- what-- And decline.
[computer] Avatar purchase accepted.
Fuck!
[computer] Are you into this song? Are you into the driving bass line?
Do you hear the sound of the hoofed one in the forest, Master?
Do... you... Mast--
-[music stops] -[computer winding down]
[modem dialing]
[high-pitched tone ringing]
[buzzing]
[whirring]
[computer] Good morning, Clancy. Which universe will you choose today?
Good morning, Computer.
Hey, why do all these planets have Xs on 'em?
[computer] Because they are dying, as I am dying.
You're not dying. You're a machine.
[whistles] Look at that. Send me to Clown Planet.
-That place looks fun. -It's all right.
-You don't think clowns are fun? -They're terrifying.
Come on!
-[computer] You come on. -[Clancy] You come on.
-You come on. -You come on.
[computer] No, you come on. You come on, times a klobexia!
-[Clancy, muffled] What's a klobexia? -[computer] I don't know. I made it up.
[muffled] That's a good one. Simulate.
[computer] Merging with Simulator in three...
-[whirring] -...two... one...
[Clancy] Whoa!
Drone One, pull up some happy nature music.
Not that.
Yes!
As I stare out at this majestic scene,
I can't help but think of my sister, Sarah...
[thud]
...who said, "Clancy, I'll loan you this money,
but you have to promise not to spend it on a used Universe Simulator."
And I said, "Sarah, first of all,
I'm getting a really good deal on a simulator,
and second of all,
there are beautiful, wondrous worlds inside these old simulators,
full of intelligent beings with stories to tell,
and I'm gonna interview them, and put my interviews online,
and make a bunch of money and pay you back, so suck my dick."
[insect buzzing]
[squeaks]
[Clancy] Here we see...
[mellow music droning]
...the cycle of life.
-A beautiful clown baby, freshly born... -[giggling]
[high-pitched, indistinct singing]
...from...
his fruit.
[giggling, squeaking]
[Clancy] Many clown babies now gather,
and singing their song of joy...
to these noble, peaceful deer-dogs.
"How are you doing?" they say in their way.
Truly a scene from heaven.
[Clancy] Whoa!
-[clown babies screaming] -[Clancy] Stop! Don't eat 'em! Hey!
What are you doing? No, they're clown babies!
Why are you eating the clown babies?
[panting]
Shit.
[Clancy screaming]
Why does this always happen in this fucking thing?
Can't there just be, like, one place where there--
[all screaming]
-[deer-dog grunts] -[Clancy] Oh! Ah!
[Clancy screaming] Ooh!
Ooh!
Just friends in a truck.
[exhales] Hoo!
Hey, you mind if I interview you for my video spacecast?
-Um, okay. -You can talk?
[low voice droning]
-[Clancy] Sorry, what was your name again? -Annie.
I'm Clancy.
[buzzing]
-So sorry, I gotta set up for a second. -[Annie] Okay.
Basically, this is just like a classic vid-stream.
So excited! I've always wanted to do a spacecast.
Annie, welcome to Midnight Gospel.
This is... It's so cool!
My first question to you is, um, are you worried?
Because it seems like we're all about to die.
Hmm... It does feel that way,
but I've actually had a lot of deaths in my life.
If you've read my stuff,
you'd know my dad died very tragically of brain cancer...
And then my best friend died after I had my baby.
-Good Lord! -Yeah, and I've just been somebody
that if someone in someone else's family is gonna die,
they know I've already been through it.
So, I've always been sort of summoned because I don't feel scared about it.
And Neal, my partner, is a hospice volunteer.
He's always coming home from people he's just visited.
And so, I thought it was funny, yeah, because there are so many young people,
and everywhere they went, it was like, "Death, death, death, rot..."
When you're a kid, when you're young,
there's a lot more worms involved in the discussion of death, right?
There are songs that go with it.
Oh, my God, worm songs! I used to love worm songs, growing up.
Classic Worm Songs of the Sixties. I had all ten albums.
♪ Down in the dirt we will fall ♪
♪ 'Cause death makes a meal of us all ♪
You guys don't know this one. Sorry, Annie. Go ahead.
Oh, well, when I was young, my dad got so sick,
and this is in the mid-late '70s, and you literally didn't mention death.
-It was bad manners. -[Clancy] Hmm.
[Annie] You were supposed to not notice,
you know, that they weighed 70 pounds.
Seems impossible!
Because we were polite. We were children of the '50s.
Neal's heard this a thousand times, but when my dad got sick,
we had a really dear friend who also had cancer at the time, Susan.
They would sit outside the coffeehouse and Dad would say,
"Susan, how's your cancer today?"
-Really loudly, you know? -Nice.
And then my dad would say, "Well, my cancer's..."
Susan would say, "My cancer's okay, I think. Ken, how's yours?"
And he'd say, "Well, I think I'm a little weaker."
And my first novel was called Hard Laughter,
and it was about laughing about this very hard stuff.
Then I got involved with reading Ram Dass's books early on,
and that took away a ton of fear.
You're very... How old are you? Do you mind my asking?
-Forty-four! -Are you really?
God, you are so great-looking! You have beautiful skin.
It's a blessing. There's no reason to feel embarrassed. It's a blessing.
I think probably God just loves you more than other people.
-Oh, you... That's-- -Yeah, that's how it works.
That's the Christian path, yeah.
-There is a hierarchical love with God. -There definitely is.
But you may get a much nicer seat in heaven because of it, too.
Like, near the dessert table, or the cheeses!
-You're not fooling me? -No, it's true.
-[male dog] It's the cheese. -The cheese and the baguettes.
[all laugh]
[Annie] But, anyway, so I think it's scary.
It's kinda tough stuff, but if I were young...
Oh, my God, if I had had this information at, you know, 30 and 40,
my whole life would have been quantifiably better,
easier, much more free.
[Clancy] The information you're talking about, acknowledging death
-is an inevitable part of-- -Yeah, it's so freeing to accept it.
Annie, that is so beautiful, and I hate to ruin this moment,
but I'm gonna be honest, I gotta take a shit.
Do you mind?
-I just need to use the bathroom. -Oh! No, not at all.
Um, how are we going to do--
I don't know yet. I don't know.
[door opens]
[Annie] I don't know what I'm supposed to do, right this minute.
[Clancy] If you just put your head down first... I'm so sorry!
-[Annie] Oh! No. The-- -[Clancy] I'm sorry.
-[splashing] -[Annie] What--
Okay, how about this?
Back out of the stall, turn around, and then walk into the stall backwards
and climb up over the toilet with your back leg.
-Just stick your hooves right there. -[Annie] Like this?
-[Annie laughing] -Oh, my God, Anne, it's not funny. Please!
[Annie] I'm trying. This is...
All right, I think this is as far as I can go up.
[Clancy sighs]
This is gonna be a nightmare. This one's gonna haunt my dreams.
Would it help if I sang a song and closed my eyes?
[exhales]
Yes, Anne. It would help.
[door clatters]
[Annie] ♪ You are my sunshine ♪
♪ My only sunshine ♪
-♪ You make me happy ♪ -[toilet flushes]
♪ When skies are gray ♪
My mom used to sing that to me when I was little.
I can't do this.
Oh, no!
-[Clancy] It's okay. Thank you. -[Annie] I can hum a different song.
[Clancy] No, but thank you. I'm gonna hold it.
[Annie] Okay, but that's not good for you.
-Oh! Whoop... -[beeping]
Sorry, gang. Have a great day.
[beeping]
[Clancy] When I cut you off, we were talking about accepting death.
[Annie] Yeah. All truth is a paradox, and I hate that the culture tells you
that you will get over it.
I think that anytime anybody says the words, "You'll feel better in time,"
they should be sliced in the ass.
My friend Joey Diaz told me that's one of the worst things you could do to a man,
slice his ass, 'cause he can't sit down for weeks.
[chuckles]
-Yeah, people who say that make me angry. -If I could let go of this right now,
believe me, I would.
I don't love being in this clenched, rashy state.
Do you feel like it all the time? How often do you feel that?
The stuff that enlivens us and heals us doesn't come on bumper stickers, you know?
It's hard-fought.
It takes death to help you let go. You know, go, "Okay, fine."
Okay, fi--
[grinding, splattering]
-[Clancy] Oh, that's great! -[Annie] And that's...
Yeah, that's sort of how I had my beautiful moment of surrender with God.
It's, I say with enormous bitterness, "Okay, fine."
[Clancy] I love that! That's so beautiful.
-That's so pure and real. -[male dog] Good mantra.
[Clancy] Yeah, that's a mantra.
[Annie] Yeah, okay, fine.
[Clancy] You know, so many artists I've talked to, particularly comedians,
when they're confronted with the idea of doing anything therapeutic
to help them with anxiety about death or just when they consider healing
their broken, neurotic, fear-riddled mind,
they think that it's gonna destroy their ability to be funny.
Do you ever think, "Well, wait! Maybe if I encountered this early on,
I wouldn't have been such a great writer"?
[Annie] Well, yeah, um, by the time I was sober,
I had four books out already,
and I had a career, I had this whole thing.
I still live in the county where I was born and raised. I'm 64.
You know, everyone I love and need, everybody was there,
so I was loved out of all sense of proportion.
And I felt terror that if I stopped drinking,
I would never write again, because I needed the misery.
-Because I needed that edge. -[tires screech]
-[Clancy] Right. -[Annie] And I... You know, and I...
And I needed the shame, and I needed the raging sick ego.
And I felt that without those, I wouldn't be sufficiently crazy enough
to even be funny anymore.
But that's one of the lies of the disease, you know, or of the ego,
that if you are well and if you're happy, the jig's up.
[Clancy] I think this, in Christianity,
this is one of the really cool things about Christianity,
-is that you get to use the word "Satan." -[Annie laughs]
[Clancy] And I can't think of anything truly more satanic than that thought,
a force in the universe telling you that should you become happy and healthy,
then the thing you love doing the most will suck.
-[male dog] Yeah. -[Annie] Right.
-That's straight out of a... imp's mouth. -[male dog] I never told you this.
It made me think about it. So, when I was 24, off I went to India.
I met Ram Dass over there, and up I went to the Himalayas
and finally met my guru.
And I said, "So, how do I meditate?" I was thinking "mantra," "meditate."
-I didn't know what I was talking about. -[Clancy] Yeah.
[male dog]] And he said, "Meditate like Christ
when he was nailed to the cross.
He felt love, not pain. He was lost in love with everything."
The next day, we went back. I got Ram Dass to say,
"Well, how did he meditate?" You know, this famous story.
And he just went back, closed his eyes,
and tears came, and right then, we experienced Christ in that moment.
And we were all Jewish, who had no relationship...
I had never read the New Testament.
And then after, he used to say, "Did you read his book?" "Huh? Who?"
"His book! Isa."
-Which is "Jesus" in Hindi. -[Clancy] Yeah.
[male dog] So, there is a tremendous teaching
that we got around Christ in India before anything.
It was Christ and Hanuman, they're the same. A service to man.
-And so, anyway, I-- -[Annie] Yeah.
[male dog] Um, one of the things that Bob, our friend Bob, said--
[female dog] It's pronounced "Bob-wah."
-[male dog] Bob-u-wah! -[Clancy] Hey, Bob-wah!
[male dog] So, you know, the thing she said that really struck me
is about what this fabric of our lives is really about.
[Bobua] Yeah, and just how we're connected to love.
[male dog] Which is a tough word, because...
It means romantic love to us here in the West, but the Tibetans,
how they approach it,
love means how happy you can make another person.
[Annie] Right, yeah.
[male dog] What the fuck? That kid took my eyeball!
[Clancy] This is truly the thing that seems the most confusing to me
about the concept of love in general.
[male dog] Think of generosity.
Think of when you start thinking about somebody else
and wanting to give them anything. That's what it's all about.
[orchestra tuning instruments]
[bell chimes]
[tuning continues]
-[electric guitar power chord playing] -[orchestra playing same chord]
[rock music playing] ♪ Death makes a meal of us all ♪
♪ Into the depths you will fall ♪
♪ To the worms Your coffin is like a wet bar ♪
♪ No matter how rich or how poor you are ♪
♪ You all end up in the ground ♪
-♪ And the worms are not found ♪ -[laughing]
♪ They put you in a big black box ♪
♪ And cover you up with dirt and rocks ♪
♪ All goes well for about a week ♪
♪ Until your coffin begins to leak ♪
♪ The worms crawl in The worms crawl out ♪
♪ In your belly and out your snout ♪
♪ They eat the jelly between your toes ♪
♪ They eat the memory Of all you have known ♪
♪ They eat your heart They eat your soul ♪
♪ It's the dawning Of the end of the world ♪
♪ Bow down to the worms ♪
[Annie] I was thinking, also, what one of you guys said.
-There's a story of a little girl... -[crowd screaming]
...who's scared to death to go to sleep in the dark,
and she keeps calling out for her mom, and her mom'll come in and say,
"Jesus is right here with you. Don't be afraid." You know?
And the child says, "I need someone with skin on."
-[Clancy] Ah, yes! -[Annie] Right?
And that's what we need here sometimes.
Through love, all pain will turn to medicine.
And Jesus says, "Everything I can do, you can do." You know?
-[male dog] Yes. -[Annie] He had a very human death.
-[Clancy] Yeah. -[Annie] He's in labor, you know?
And God never leaves him for a second.
You have not gone through labor yet.
-It's a big "yet" for you. -[Clancy] It's a long time down the road!
And that-- [Annie laughs]
You're just in a process.
It's contraction and release and breath and peace,
and, "Oh, no, here, it's back!"
It's okay. Remember the last one?
You contract and you constrict and then you release...
and you breathe.
And it's what heaven will be like.
-[Clancy] Beautiful. -[male dog] Absolutely.
[Annie] A new pair of glasses, and they give you ice chips
-and some very cold apple juice. -[male dog laughs]
[Annie] Yeah, and then you know what comes out? New life.
And that's what Jesus was saying.
He was saying, "I'm gonna do this. Only love is holding me here."
If you were the only person on Earth,
Jesus would have died that humiliating and excruciating death
because he was in labor, and he had this labor coach.
You know? Mother God.
[male dog] Hmm.
-[Clancy] Beautiful. -[male dog] Beautiful. Wonderful!
-Thank you, Annie. -[Annie] You're welcome.
-[Clancy] Thank you. -[male dog] Thank you, Duncan.
-[Annie] You're welcome. -[male dog] This is...
[Clancy] Thank you! Are you kidding? Can't believe I got to be here!
-[male dog] My favorite people. -[Annie] Thank you!
-[man] So lucky. -[Clancy] Thank you.
Duncan? Who's Duncan?
[blows horn]
[buzzing]
[gasps, grunts]
[grunts]
[sighs]
[gagging]
♪ You are never gonna die ♪
♪ Never, ever, ever, ever gonna die... ♪ [echoing]
Hmm.
♪ You are my sunshine My only sunshine ♪
[echoing] ♪ Sun, sun, sun ♪
♪ Worms ♪
♪ Do you hear them singing? ♪
♪ Singing from the graveyards ♪
♪ Worms ♪
♪ Were the midwives in the garden ♪
♪ Turn your mothers into flowers ♪